Christmas Nightmares

So, I slept over at my parents' house on Christmas Eve in what one would typically construe as a super comfortable bed. But for some reason I woke up multiple times, had nightmares, and got up in the morning with a back ache. Merry Christmas!

A lot of the details are vague, but it started out with me trying to bamboozle the FBI, who in the dream were evil and trying to kill a teenage girl. I was somehow trusted by them and I was allowed in the FBI offices, where I stole a piece of paper that had a whole bunch of random scribbling on it, but was important to the case.


There was a chase scene that was inside a brightly lit warehouse. We kept trying to fool the FBI by getting on different freight elevators but we kept getting lost because the elevators were magically shifting and losing floors. The floors were all numbered and lettered strangely, like S9, GK3, etc. You could see the whole building like a skeleton and I could see the FBI closing in on us, and I think that's when I woke up.


I went back to sleep and had a serious night terror. I'm sure I was screaming (or at least yelping) in my sleep about it. I can only remember generic details about it but it was terrifying. I was in a strange house and a killer/rapist was in the house terrorizing me and chasing me around. I was screaming out the window "RAPE!" and "FIRE!" and no one could hear me.


The last part involved me running away from him through a rotating door that was spinning really fast. My only option was to run as fast as I could into it and hope I could squeak through. But I got pinned in the middle by the door and somehow it was a portal to the 4th dimension and my top and bottom half started blurring and expanding like balloons and all my organs were popping. I could see a bunch of repeats of the situation I was in. I could feel it cutting me in half and twisting upwards into a funnel type thing. I actually woke up because I was throwing up and choking in my sleep.

Mustache Eyes

Yeah, ok. I know I haven't posted a dream for soooo long, but ever since we started the LOL/OMG blog I've been extra busy and have been brushing a few fun, extracurricular activities (such as my dream blog) temporarily under the carpet. I am trying to get back into it -- some of my more pressing PR projects are coming to a close -- so I should have a bit more time.

Anyhoo, last night I had a wildly disturbing dream that was violently seared into my mind when I woke up. It started out with me being severely upset and crying because three different guys I set up business meetings with had apparently raped me. One of them was the principal from Ferris Beuller's Day Off and he had a really rich office that was all dark wood paneling and leather wingback chairs. He was really terrible and said that no one would ever believe me and that he and the other two guys who raped me were going to write a series of articles about me that were demeaning saying I was insane. I was crying and crying.


The scene changed to what was supposed to be my parent's country home, it was on the Mississippi river and I was just sitting on the bank being upset. There were three rowboats and two pontoons anchored in the water. I swam out to the smallest of the rowboats and rowed into the middle of the river and grabbed onto a rope that was apparently supposed to keep other boats from coming in or something. I dragged my boat up and down the perimeter of the rope's length and kept going beyond it but then would get scared of being hit by a speed boat.


Once I got back to shore, I went into the house but it was a fancy members only boating club. The principal from Ferris Bueller was there and was showing everyone the articles he wrote. I started crying again and he was berating me. I begged a waiter to help me and to take me home but everyone was being a jerk to me so I just sat at the bar and cried. The principal showed me the article and it was just a bunch of triangle diagrams drawn in a notebook, but I was still upset.


The next scene was in an arts building in Northeast (but one that doesn't actually exist) There was a room in the basement that was all mirrors (I think it may have been a replica of my dance class studio in high school) and there were maybe eight people breakdancing to a DJ and acting really crazy. I had a cup and was looking for water and I saw a bronze spigot sticking out of the floor by one of the mirrors so I sat down by it to fill my cup and a guy came behind me and grabbed me by the neck and held me down while he drew a mustache on me in permanent marker. I was screaming and crying and when I finally got away from him he just said something like "don't worry, you'll like it. I wake up every day ready to party!"


I was still pissed off about the mustache incident and started running through the building looking for a bathroom to try to wash it off. One my way a crowd of fancily dressed people started flooding into the building for an after party. One mean, ugly lady got in my way and I started swearing at her really terribly like "Get the fuck out of this building you fucking bitch" and she was like "this is an OSCARS party, why aren't there celebrities here?" and I was just livid and told her she didn't belong in an art building and threatened to beat her up so she went away. I finally found the bathroom but when I looked in the mirror I didn't have a mustache, he had drawn it on my eyes, one thick swish below one of my eyes, and a thick swish above the other. I had on really heavy gold paint make up and huge eyelashes. The paint was cracking and it looked like I had cried a bunch of it off so it was smearing and dripping but it looked kind of cool. I was deciding whether to wash it off or not and I woke up.

It was all crazy like this, but had a bunch of gold paint
involved and the lines were more swishy and distinct.

Attempted Rape & Cannibalism a la Michael Jackson

I had a terrible dream! Just disturbing...

I had a new routine of driving a neon green 10-speed through Downtown Minneapolis each day. I would bike specifically to a medical building that had some connection to my Dad, and go in it to get to the skyway. The building had a weird medical museum that just looked like a super messy office or gift shop. My Dad was there pointing out models of molecules and such. He bought me a plastic cooling pack thing and the lady at the museum custom decorated it with stickers that said her name "Laura" and a leather patch with goodwill logos on it. I bitched that it was terrible and made no sense, then some other guy made me a new one out of one of those metallic balloons that had shooting stars and the word "congratulations" on it. I tried to wear it as a headband but it was too thick.


The steps outside of the museum were really weird and arty. some of them only had one thin bar going across and if you weren't careful you would fall through the hole. I kept getting lost in the skyway and having to go through cluttered gift shops where it became increasingly harder to find the door to the next one. I finally found a bar and sat down and ordered a drink. There was a guy in a suit there that introduced himself and said he worked for The Onion newspaper as a sales rep. I was like "cool" but then I left.


The scene changed to me being alone at my apartment. I was calling completely random phone numbers and saying weird things to people. I called one and somehow started actually talking to the guy and he invited me to come to a party at his place. I agreed and went over to his condo, which was one of those hip loft-type joints. There was a party going on with a strange assortment of people whooping it up. I felt really creeped out some reason. The guy who I'd talked to on the phone introduced himself and said "have we met?" and then he said he was a rep for the Onion but I couldn't remember if it was the same guy I met at the bar and neither could he. I then fed him a bite of a Hershey's kiss that was apparently drugged and we both started acting really weird and freaking out and having seizures.


The next part featured me, naked, wrapped in a big gold blanket on the floor of his condo. A guy I know (and am creeped out by in real life) was standing over me and said he was going to come under the blankets with me and have sex with me. I was like "NO!!!" and he was "it's happening" and tried to rip the blanket off me but I had it tangled around me really tightly. He started dragging me around the condo and I was screaming as hard as I could but it was super faint no matter how hard I screamed. The police were somehow outside and I was screaming and screaming but they couldn't hear me. Finally a girl who was in the condo opened the door and the cops burst in, but the guy had disappeared.


The last scene was the aftermath of the cops raiding the condo. They brought us all out on the roof and showed us what the guy who owned the condo had been doing. He was apparently Michael Jackson and he had been luring peeps to the condo and drugging them and putting them in cages on the roof for months and slowly eating them. He had many different disguises and the Onion ad rep and the rapist all had been MJ in disguise; his real look was all gnarled and small and scary. There was a guy he'd been eating for 6 weeks who was still alive but a ton of his flesh had been carved off and they didn't think he would live. They said that we were the next people to go into the cages. The last thing I remember from the dream was a long black peapod-shaped centipede with a radio antenna on its head scurring past, and it was supposed to be part of one of the people he ate.