The quest for Alf's Purple Diamond

This dream could be adapted into a sweet apocalypse movie. For realzies.

I lived in a room in an industrial area but it was decked out all gypsy/Mad Max-like. I was friends with some Alf-style aliens that lived on the roof. Eventually the Alf aliens trusted me with the secret that there were a lot more aliens living on earth and also that I was one of a handful of humans who could be killed and then regenerate. They needed me to go on a mission to get a purple diamond that apparently could save all the Alf aliens from extinction, but all the other races wanted it too to save themselves. All the humans that could regenerate were on the Alf's side though, because all the other aliens were jerks.


All the alien races had tracking devices that they could detect each other and the diamond's presence if they were in the vicinity or even below ground. The regenerating humans were dressed in army gear, except me, and they had a plan to blow themselves up to block the other aliens from getting the next human after the diamond was passed off, kind of like a relay race. For some reason I was their star though and they didn't want me to get killed for some reason so they kept blowing themselves up to distract the other aliens from me.


At some point I was trying to evade the aliens we called "No Faces" which were just long spindly grey bodies with guitar pick shaped heads with no features except slits for mouths. I fell down a big hole that was maybe 100 feet deep with rocks walls and little mossy ledges that had mini water falls trickling everywhere. I regenerated at the bottom of the hole and I had the diamond. There were hundreds of No Faces all at the top chittering and I was trapped. Suddenly a hissing sound started and I looked around and there were thousands of black clams hissing and clicking open and shut everywhere. They were spitting poison at me that burned my skin but my skin regenerated. Eventually the Alfs came to the resuce and blew a hole in the side of the place where I was trapped and caused it to turn into a big slope. The No Faces ran down and clashed with all the poisonous clams and they all started melting and screeching. I ran out the other side and surfaced at a beach, where an evil human tried to buy the diamond off me for $200,000 but I didn't want to sell it. I can't remember what happened after that but I'm assuming I gave the diamond to the Alfs.


There was also a completely non-related part about me being at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts but it was a carnival and I ordered a deep fried hot dog from a concession stand that was run by mangy carnies. The hot dog was just a regular hot dog that had a little bit of tempura-style batter on it and it was super greasy and gross looking. The guy behind the counter had been on the phone and was crying really hard because his grandma had just died, but I didn't really know what to say so I just ordered a hot dog and said I was sorry.

Triple Dream Score

I dreamed super intensely last night. I woke up twice and opened my laptop to write down what happened and then fell back asleep.

Dream #1

The first dream consisted of me living in two connected rooms (#701 and 702) at a hotel where a Jamaican bellboy would spout off weird philosophy to me, and I was scared of him because I thought he knew too much (too much of what, escapes me). My sister lived there too, or was staying with me for awhile and was going sort of mad. She took like 20 pregnancy tests and left them strew around the bathroom, then my Dad came over and saw them and was like "what the hell!"



The scene changed to some sort of apocalypse scenario that was somehow my fault. There were four "super beings" that were trying to destroy the world, and I had unleashed them somehow. I had Juleana with me and somehow we managed to re-contain three of them in these rotating rusty metal cylinders that somehow psychically put them in a trance state. The only one that was still on the loose was my friend Paul, who was wearing his Halloween costume (the one he really wore on Halloween) and he was the most evil one (he's not THAT evil in real life mind you, hehe).



The dream ended with Juleana and me riding in a rusty metal circle thing that was also some sort of army vehicle along a dirt road. Paul was on the top of a mountain in the distance and kept telekenetically throwing rotten dead bodies with small bombs in them at us. I think we might have died, because I woke up all violently.



Dream #2

In this dream I lived in a hotel too (a different one) and I was having a party and a raffle for all sorts of weird stuff, one of which was a sort of toga/saari type thing made out of iridescent green organza that everyone really wanted. One girl, who none of us really liked fell down and did a sommersault and her whole dress came off and everyone pretended like nothing happened but I laughed because I thought she was a jerk.



It turned out that my boyfriend in the dream was an alien boss and his mission was to put as many people on earth under mind control as he could, without them knowing it. He didn't put me under mind control though, because he liked me. He demonstrated at the party by putting everyone in the hallway and tying a big red ribbon around the group of them, then he made them all fall asleep and the ribbon came undone. Glory from the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one of them, and my bf was like "watch this one wakes up faster than the others" and she did, because, well, Glory has super powers on the show.



I go into the basement laundry room to draw the raffle winners out of a shoebox. I had crunched the entries into little balls of paper. I overheard a discussion going on in the next room between my bf and the main alien overlord, who was Benecio del Toro. They were in a long room that was decorated very Grecian, and it had a long narrow pool in it, lots of marble, and potted plants everywhere. The overlord wanted to put me to sleep but my boyfriend said I was cool, and not to.



The scene changed to my boyfriend and I going to bed, and I was about to get in when I heard a chiming noise coming from under the bed, where I found a pair of old dirty men's briefs that were somehow making that noise. When I questioned my boyfriend he said they were his and apologized profusely, because for some reason I was really mad about it.



Dream #3

I was driving out of town with my sister to see an art show of Chris Mars (the drummer from the Replacements who is also an artist in real life) and my friend Robyn is driving separately. The show was far away at a nature center in the country and we had to take a million weird freeways to get there.

Real (and awesome) art by Chris Mars

Once we got there, my sister kept wanting to leave to go see her kids because it was Christmas and she had bought them costumes to wear on Christmas morning. On was a green and red cheerleading uniform (in the dream she had a 13 year old daughter that doesn't actually exist) and a gingerbread man and snowman outfit for the little ones she does actually have. My sister's hair looked really gross and greasy and I asked her why. She said that her hair is really static all the time so the trick is, is to put urine in it so it doesn't stick up. Robyn left in a stranger's car and I brought my sister home.



The scene changed to me driving around Highland Park golf course, then I was at the Mall of America suddenly because I was supposed to by presents for my sister's kids but for some reason I didn't. Robyn called me and said I needed to help her because she left her car at the art opening and there was something bad in it that the cops would find so we needed to go back right away. I got her and we went back, but we forgot the keys to her car, so we got Chris Mars to break the window. For some reason I had parked my own car like half a mile away on the shoulder of the freeway and a bunch of other cars had done the same thing. My other friend named Robyne (not the same one) was sitting on the hood of my car applying lipstick and was all sassy, saying "some bitch ass cop tried to give you a ticket but I talked him into giving everyone else a ticket instead"



Then there was something about me going back to my parents house and it was Christmas and me not having any presents for the kids, and trying to play it off but not succeeding, and being considered the asshole of Christmas.