I'm getting married at Neil Gaiman's house!

I know haven't done a post for awhile, I've been super busy with work stuff the past week, it's been never ending. I've been in a sheer panic from the moment I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep. I didn't even try to remember my dreams. Today, however, I have a whopping 3 hours before I have to be at a meeting, AND I had an awesomely weird dream last night.


I can't remember how this dream started out exactly but I think I was on a dirt road by a bunch of industrial buildings and there was a war going on between an Indian tribe, one lone super-Indian, and white people. Well, the white peeps weren't really in the war, they would just get killed whenever the Indians saw them I think. The lone super-Indian was hiding out in this big metal barn with big rusty tools and the tribe was mobilizing to look for him. I was in the barn...I think I might have even been the super-Indian because I was not afraid of getting killed and I felt super awesome and tough. The tribe came down the road and got distracted by a white guy wandering around, who they promptly scalped and slit the throat of. Another white guy came along and managed to talk them out of scalping him somehow.


The scene changed to a big lodge-type building (I think it was on the same road as the Indian tribe) but the entrance looked like Har Mar Mall. I think the lodge belonged to real-life fantasy writer Neil Gaiman. I was getting married (I have no idea who to) but I was planning my own wedding and was being really demanding and mean. My sister came to set up the silent auction (yes, for some weird reason there was a silent auction at my wedding) but all the stuff in it was really strange. There were lots of pairs of socks, some of them looked dirty, and a sock monkey and a bunch of calendars plus other crap I can't remember. My sister put flowers and little beaded lamps all over the auction table to make it more wedding-y.


I had to put on the wedding dress Neil Gaiman gave me and I was very irritated to discover it was pretty much see through, fine netting (kind of like a wedding veil) and was sewn together in panels. There was a belt that was white tulle bunched up with red ribbon to tie it. I wanted to wear it really badly but was concerned because I was wearing black underwear and bra. I was trying to come up with something to wear underneath it when I looked through the window and there were two black ladies in an SUV yelling at me to put my clothes on because everyone was looking through the window (which was the parking lot of a mall). I was shocked and laid down on the floor and tried to get dressed while laying down so no one would see me.

The dress was kind like this slip but it was shorter and cooler looking. The belt was awesome.

I can't remember if I got the dress on, or what I was wearing, but it was time for the wedding to start so I went out with my bridesmaids (who were just random people wearing street clothes) and we started doing a sort of routine as people walked in. We did a synchronized hitch-hiking dance sort of thing and people would go in the direction our thumbs were pointing. We realized that if we did it towards the silent auction table, everyone would go over there and start bidding in a frenzy. People went crazy for the auction and when they mob walked away it was somehow over and all the stuff was gone. My sister said that we made $27, which I thought was a load of crap.


The last thing I remember was trying to make a little bit more money and I started yelling to everyone about the last silent auction item, which was my marriage certificate signed by Neil Gaiman. No one was paying attention to me even though I was yelling at the top of my lungs and I was in a rage about it. I woke up around that time/can't remember what happened.

I heart Neil Gaiman.

Some jobs I just shouldn't do.

Almost this whole dream was set super early in the morning when it's grey/blue out, before the sun comes up, except the very last scene. I think it cycled through multiple days. It was really all over the place, lots of little flashes of weirdness that I can't remember. I'll recount the clearer parts.



The first thing I remember is working as a waitress in a restaurant that was run by Kristin (from Secrets of the City). It doubled as a sort of gift shop, but all that was in the gift shop area was a table with rows of colored cookies in plastic bags tied with ribbons and a counter with an old cash register. Each row had a different design of cookie; there was one of a sort of mangy-looking duckling, but it was a photo that had somehow been transferred onto the cookie, one was in the shape of a cupcake that was blue and purple with red stars on it, one was a sprig of lilacs (also a photo transfer). There were really cheesy greeting cards (the kind that have, long cursive inscriptions that say things that make grandmas cry) and colored, thin sponges intermingled between the cookie bags. Kris was like, "I have to make more of these cookies, people love them!" but I tried to one and it was rock hard. I also couldn't figure out how to work the register and Kris was like "didn't you used to be an accountant!?"



The scene switched to me waiting tables in the restaurant and doing a really terrible job. I just kept wanting to go out on the porch (which was randomly the porch and front yard of a house I used to live in in St. Paul) to work on my laptop and do more important things than bring people beignets (which was all the restaurant served). The patrons were all 20-something hipster kids that read newspapers and acted really pretentious. One couple was laughing at me and questioning my qualifications as an arts and entertainment writer because they had heard I moonlighted as a postal service worker -- which in the dream was somehow true.



The next segment featured me at my grandpa's house (he's been dead for over 15 years, but I can still remember his house perfectly, and how the sunlight looked filtering through his living room windows, specifically) but it was also still the porch of my old house too. My friends Stephen and Susannah were there, and they were waiting in a porch that was in front of another porch, and I changed my clothes in the second porch. Stephen was riled up about something and had to talk to me and barged in while I was changing and for some reason, I held a full black garbage bag in front of myself to hide my nakedness and was all "get the hell out, Stephen!!!" but he just kept talking. Susannah tried to come in and dig in the bag to find me an outfit in it, and she came up with a blue dress that I tried to get on while still holding the bag. Then I think I woke up...


There were parts about me playing video games, and there being busted wicker furniture in our yard which I was appalled by, but my roommates thought was really cool. Also, I think in the dream everyone wore glasses.