Will is an unruly drunk.

So this dream was kind of scary for some reason, even though only the end was technically scary. It was a very stressful dream and seemed to go on forever.

The dream kicked off with me sitting at the bar at Clubhouse Jager, but it looked a little different, with elements of the Loring Pasta Bar and an unidentified sports bar and cafeteria. I was there alone but I realized the guy sitting next to me was the actor Eric McCormick (Will of Will & Grace), but he looked really inbred and weird, and a bit like William DeFoe. He was raging drunk and I started talking to him and flirting with him. We were getting all cuddly and I realized it was insane that I wasn't getting his picture for LOL/OMG (our real-life gossip blog).


I bust out my phone and for some reason I couldn't get the photo app up. I'm smashing buttons like I didn't know how to use my it, and it was paging through stock images of things like grain, houses, plants, clouds, etc. Eric McCormick wouldn't shut up because he was so drunk and he was sort of flailing around yelling and grabbing me and kissing my neck, but I was very annoyed about the phone and kept pushing him off.


Finally I realize that I was trying to use someone else's phone, and that mine was missing. I went around the bar (which now was really big with all sorts of weird nooks and crannies) looking for it in a panic. I kept mistaking dumb things for my phone from across the room; phones that looked nothing like mine, a small bag of clementine oranges, a weird little shrine with candles, etc.


Finally I found the phone in a back room at the bar that looked like a sports bar and had green carpeting. There were three really girly blonde chicks there that were really bubbly and like "Oh. My. God." about everything. They had hooked up my phone to a projector and were watching a movie on it. I had no idea my phone was that high tech and was very impressed. The were projecting it in a weird corner that had a jutting out piece of wall and some pipes and they were projecting over that and partially on the ceiling because they said the 3-d option worked best in that spot, and it totally did. They gave me the phone back and somehow along the way I aquired a Pizza Luce pizza and was excited to bring it back to the peeps at the bar to share.


When I returned to Eric McCormick in the front of the bar there was already pizza there and he was having a face-down pizza eating contest with one of the bartenders from the 501 Club. They had their hands tied behind their backs and everyone was cheering them on. They were making a terrible mess and sauce was all over them, their faces and the bar. Pieces of my pizza slid out of the box and onto the floor and they were all different kinds of slices.


Paul (a real bartender at Jager) was pissed off about the whole thing and started yelling at Eric McCormick about having not paying his tab, which was only $2. But Eric was too drunk to acknowledge him. Paul went into an awkward secret passage way adjacent to the bar and refused to come out. I kept trying to take a picture of Eric McCormick with my phone but he kept moving around and all the pictures were stupid looking blurs.


I sort of woke up at that point, but then fell back asleep for a bit longer and had a small snippet of a new dream which basically consisted of a bloody, dirty girl escaping from a closet. She came running out and screamed "Mommy, it HURTS!!" and she had a bunch of skin carved off her because a cannibal had been keeping her locked up so he could eat strips of her skin. I think there was something else to it, but that's all I can remember.

Attempted Rape & Cannibalism a la Michael Jackson

I had a terrible dream! Just disturbing...

I had a new routine of driving a neon green 10-speed through Downtown Minneapolis each day. I would bike specifically to a medical building that had some connection to my Dad, and go in it to get to the skyway. The building had a weird medical museum that just looked like a super messy office or gift shop. My Dad was there pointing out models of molecules and such. He bought me a plastic cooling pack thing and the lady at the museum custom decorated it with stickers that said her name "Laura" and a leather patch with goodwill logos on it. I bitched that it was terrible and made no sense, then some other guy made me a new one out of one of those metallic balloons that had shooting stars and the word "congratulations" on it. I tried to wear it as a headband but it was too thick.


The steps outside of the museum were really weird and arty. some of them only had one thin bar going across and if you weren't careful you would fall through the hole. I kept getting lost in the skyway and having to go through cluttered gift shops where it became increasingly harder to find the door to the next one. I finally found a bar and sat down and ordered a drink. There was a guy in a suit there that introduced himself and said he worked for The Onion newspaper as a sales rep. I was like "cool" but then I left.


The scene changed to me being alone at my apartment. I was calling completely random phone numbers and saying weird things to people. I called one and somehow started actually talking to the guy and he invited me to come to a party at his place. I agreed and went over to his condo, which was one of those hip loft-type joints. There was a party going on with a strange assortment of people whooping it up. I felt really creeped out some reason. The guy who I'd talked to on the phone introduced himself and said "have we met?" and then he said he was a rep for the Onion but I couldn't remember if it was the same guy I met at the bar and neither could he. I then fed him a bite of a Hershey's kiss that was apparently drugged and we both started acting really weird and freaking out and having seizures.


The next part featured me, naked, wrapped in a big gold blanket on the floor of his condo. A guy I know (and am creeped out by in real life) was standing over me and said he was going to come under the blankets with me and have sex with me. I was like "NO!!!" and he was "it's happening" and tried to rip the blanket off me but I had it tangled around me really tightly. He started dragging me around the condo and I was screaming as hard as I could but it was super faint no matter how hard I screamed. The police were somehow outside and I was screaming and screaming but they couldn't hear me. Finally a girl who was in the condo opened the door and the cops burst in, but the guy had disappeared.


The last scene was the aftermath of the cops raiding the condo. They brought us all out on the roof and showed us what the guy who owned the condo had been doing. He was apparently Michael Jackson and he had been luring peeps to the condo and drugging them and putting them in cages on the roof for months and slowly eating them. He had many different disguises and the Onion ad rep and the rapist all had been MJ in disguise; his real look was all gnarled and small and scary. There was a guy he'd been eating for 6 weeks who was still alive but a ton of his flesh had been carved off and they didn't think he would live. They said that we were the next people to go into the cages. The last thing I remember from the dream was a long black peapod-shaped centipede with a radio antenna on its head scurring past, and it was supposed to be part of one of the people he ate.