The scent of White Trash

Of course I can't remember the majority of my dream because the first thought that popped into my head was "do I have enough cat food?" as opposed to trying to remember my quickly fleeting dream. Stupid.

Anyhoo, in the dream I think I was some sort of television producer or something and I was on the set of the sitcom Married with Children. The set didn't look the same though, and it smelled weird. I remember thinking in my head "it smells like white trash in here" and wondering if it was a manufactured smell to get the actors more in their "zone." It smelled kind of like Hamburger Helper and unclean people.


The set somehow doubled as an apartment building where all sorts of shows about families lived. Each TV Family had their own level. The Bundy's were the trashiest though, so they lived in "sub-basement 3." The only other thing I really remember is being in the parking ramp that was attached to the building and running down a bunch of flights of stairs in high heels. I think I was trying to beat someone who was taking the elevator. Then I woke up!

God is gonna get ya!

I can't remember most of this dream except for the fact that God was after me for some reason. I don't know if he wanted to kill me or possess me or take me off planet earth. All I know was that I was trying to get away and that I was scared!

I apparently worked in a mall or was working on the set of a TV show that was based in a mall. There were a few other girls who worked with me and they would always give each other gifts but I would never give gifts so I was considered the jerk of the group. I tried to make up for it by writing them greeting cards but I was clairvoyant or something and every time I'd try to write in the cards, God would take over my hand and start writing weird messages like "God Loves You, be nice to the pony!" in childish handwriting with hearts all around it. After my hand stopped being possessed I wrote a stupid side note to God that just said "Dear God, Kiss all the little children. -Kate"


Things got worse and God started sending minions after me. There was some sort of hive-mind situation going on and wherever I went the minions could detect me. I was trying to find a "sterile" environment, like a lab or something, because I thought they couldn't find me there. I got on the Subway and thought I had evaded them, but then God found me and he was a bunch of different pieces of metal parts that had been magnetized together and he looked like Megatron, except really much scarier. He was clomping down the subway car towards me and I was laying on the ground screaming because he had put a paralyzer beam on me or something.

Right then, my friend Emma woke me up by tapping me on the shoulder and I jumped really high and she said my eyes bugged out, then she laughed for like 5 minutes.

Mustache Eyes

Yeah, ok. I know I haven't posted a dream for soooo long, but ever since we started the LOL/OMG blog I've been extra busy and have been brushing a few fun, extracurricular activities (such as my dream blog) temporarily under the carpet. I am trying to get back into it -- some of my more pressing PR projects are coming to a close -- so I should have a bit more time.

Anyhoo, last night I had a wildly disturbing dream that was violently seared into my mind when I woke up. It started out with me being severely upset and crying because three different guys I set up business meetings with had apparently raped me. One of them was the principal from Ferris Beuller's Day Off and he had a really rich office that was all dark wood paneling and leather wingback chairs. He was really terrible and said that no one would ever believe me and that he and the other two guys who raped me were going to write a series of articles about me that were demeaning saying I was insane. I was crying and crying.


The scene changed to what was supposed to be my parent's country home, it was on the Mississippi river and I was just sitting on the bank being upset. There were three rowboats and two pontoons anchored in the water. I swam out to the smallest of the rowboats and rowed into the middle of the river and grabbed onto a rope that was apparently supposed to keep other boats from coming in or something. I dragged my boat up and down the perimeter of the rope's length and kept going beyond it but then would get scared of being hit by a speed boat.


Once I got back to shore, I went into the house but it was a fancy members only boating club. The principal from Ferris Bueller was there and was showing everyone the articles he wrote. I started crying again and he was berating me. I begged a waiter to help me and to take me home but everyone was being a jerk to me so I just sat at the bar and cried. The principal showed me the article and it was just a bunch of triangle diagrams drawn in a notebook, but I was still upset.


The next scene was in an arts building in Northeast (but one that doesn't actually exist) There was a room in the basement that was all mirrors (I think it may have been a replica of my dance class studio in high school) and there were maybe eight people breakdancing to a DJ and acting really crazy. I had a cup and was looking for water and I saw a bronze spigot sticking out of the floor by one of the mirrors so I sat down by it to fill my cup and a guy came behind me and grabbed me by the neck and held me down while he drew a mustache on me in permanent marker. I was screaming and crying and when I finally got away from him he just said something like "don't worry, you'll like it. I wake up every day ready to party!"


I was still pissed off about the mustache incident and started running through the building looking for a bathroom to try to wash it off. One my way a crowd of fancily dressed people started flooding into the building for an after party. One mean, ugly lady got in my way and I started swearing at her really terribly like "Get the fuck out of this building you fucking bitch" and she was like "this is an OSCARS party, why aren't there celebrities here?" and I was just livid and told her she didn't belong in an art building and threatened to beat her up so she went away. I finally found the bathroom but when I looked in the mirror I didn't have a mustache, he had drawn it on my eyes, one thick swish below one of my eyes, and a thick swish above the other. I had on really heavy gold paint make up and huge eyelashes. The paint was cracking and it looked like I had cried a bunch of it off so it was smearing and dripping but it looked kind of cool. I was deciding whether to wash it off or not and I woke up.

It was all crazy like this, but had a bunch of gold paint
involved and the lines were more swishy and distinct.

Dead moms & neon togas

Last night's dream had multiple really weird aspects, but also one piece that was an actual plot.

I was a teenager with long, dark brown wavy hair. I went to a really pristine school with a bunch of creepy kids with white-blonde hair. The school was really strict and was completely nice inside, with perfect rows of desks and glossy hard wood floors and big windows. The blonde kids would sit perfectly with their hands folded in front of them. I was super angsty and would sit in the back all sullen and mean.


The teacher also had long wavy dark brown hair. I think she might have been the actress Madeline Stowe. She went through a really intense bit about cleaning off our boards after we used them (we had mini dry erase boards that we'd do our work on) and she demonstrated coloring in a clear plastic cylinder that was really tall and skinny and she said that if we didn't clean our boards she'd make us clean one of the cylinders and that would be a pain in the ass.


The next part switched to the teacher trying to be nice to me and taking me out somewhere but I can't remember where. I was gone for two days though. I returned home and I was really happy and came into my apartment, which was a really sweet loft that was nicely decorated and started yelling for my Mom. I wanted to tell her I was better and I wasn't going to be a jerk anymore. I opened the bathroom door and my mom (who looked nothing like my real mom) was slumped facedown in a bathtub. She had really intense yellow/white blonde hair that was spread in this weird circle in the water and it kind of looked like a sea anemoni. I pulled her up and she was pure white and cold, she'd been dead for a long time. She looked like some sort of small nymph-like creature.


The scene changed to the aftermath, the cops were there and my teacher rushed in and tried to console me but I slapped her really hard in the face and started screaming at her and she was crying and I think the situation turned slow motion and dramatic, like the end of a real movie.


There was also a random part about me and wrapping an artist in a multi-colored neon patterned sheet, twirling it into a rope at some parts, and making sort of a toga out of it. I think it was either for a big photo shoot or for his wedding. We found a joint that looked like a cigarette with a filter and smoked it and all of our parents were in the other room but we thought they wouldn't notice the smell. Also, I'm not sure where this fit into the dream, but there was an oversized '80s blazer in it at some point that was had a big Giraffe pattern on it.


Another snippet included me and a friend escaping from our brothers, who had tried to make us stay home for some reason, and we went climbing through all these weird snowy rooftops and narrow little passageways that were all rickety and treacherous. We got to a point where there was a really dangerous climb down to the next one and I said there was no way I was doing that and that I was going back the way we came. I tried to go back but I somehow got trapped in a labyrinth of basements and kept running into people that were like "why the hell are in you in my basement." I don't remember how it ended.

I should never have a baby!

This dream was kind of bland, but it was very nerve wracking and uncomfortable. I had a newborn baby that I kept leaving random places. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl, so let's just call it "it." The baby would kind of crawl and roll off stuff so I was trying really hard to pay attention to where I put it, but I'd suddenly be like "shit! where is the baby?" and it would be under a pile of papers, or in a different room. It would always fall off things and had all these bruises and scratches and weird indentations and imprints on its head. I was real irritated that I had the baby...like it wasn't mine and somehow I got stuck with it, but I loved it too, though no one would help me take care of it or tell me what to do. I was really scared and stressed out.



There was something about me going through a divorce too. I was on a strange internet site that looked all 1994 with big bubbly design. It was either a message board or a chat line or a dating site and all the text was too big. I was posting messages on it trying to get a new husband but everyone was being perverted and saying messed up things to me. My mom and my ex-husband somehow saw I was on there and everyone was yelling at me about being a whore.


There was another aspect about me going out to dinner with someone for my birthday then stopping at a stand that sold candy-coated popcorn in weird flavors like "coconut," "spicy," and "red." The stand was really decrepit and there were all sorts of papers and random crap on the shelves with the bags of popcorn. I wanted to bring one home for my Dad but I couldn't figure out which one to get. I think I got red. Then whoever I was with was like "Let's stop at Pinkberry." I tried to argue that I had to go home because I wasn't sure where I put the baby, but they said "trust me, you'll love it." When we got there all the bowls of ice cream were $30-$50 and I didn't want to buy any, but people kept insisting, so I pulled a bunch of stuff out of my pocket and there was a string, a superball, a bunch of pennies, a few wadded up bills, and a little bag a weed. They said I could trade all that for ice cream, then I woke up!

Evil Ghosts & Sleeping Bags

Let's just say I hated this dream. It was scary. And weirdly, I took a "nap" at 6pm, only to wake up at 2am in a cold, fully-alert terror. I think I was screaming in my sleep.

It started out at my parent's house. I was either living there, or staying there for a few days and so was my sister. We were sleeping on the living room floor in sleeping bags (this dream has lots of sleeping bags in it FYI. Weird) and there were multiple cat's litter boxes on the hearth of the fireplace that I had the duty of cleaning out for some reason. There were huge, human-sized pieces of crap in them, and I would pour out the litter onto the hearth and sift through it. This had nothing to do with the ghost element of the dream, but it was pretty weird/gross none the less.


The dream morphed into my sister and myself sleeping on my parent's bed. Their room was apparently haunted but we were sleeping in it anyway. There was an evil entity, but it would start out slow, projecting itself as innocent, Victorian-style ghosts that would try to be your friend but would eventually turn into scary skeletons in long robes that would fly around on the ceiling and scream. In the dream I kept falling in and out of sleep on the bed and I think in real life I was falling in and out of sleep too. I kept feeling things brush up against me lightly, and in real life I am pretty sure it was my cat, but in the dream it was ghosts.


The next scene involved my mom getting ready to go somewhere and there was another lady wearing fancy clothes with red hair that would mimic her movements and follow close behind her. It was supposed to be her mom, but it was really an evil ghost. My mom knew it was there but didn't care because she liked the ghost even though it was a bad ghost. She said "We're going shopping." There was another element to that part where my mom hired me to take pictures of something for $150 and I demanded payment up front because I thought she wouldn't pay me, and she cut me a check that was printed off a printer. I was irritated because she was friends with the ghost.


There was also a random part about me being wrapped tightly in a sleeping bag on the floor of the basement and there were a bunch of bad ghosts that just looked like black shadows milling around on the staircase, blocking it. I was going through a stack of papers that were apparently job reviews from my old work that I was supposed to input into a computer so people's raises would be reflected on their next paychecks. I was offended because the corporate office was giving all the Somali peeps like $5 an hour and all the other people were getting paid normal amounts and were getting raises. The writing on the papers was in pencil and looked like a little kid had wrote them.


The scene changed to me, my sister, and some other people standing in my parent's neighbor's driveway talking, and I looked in my parent's backyard and all the statues they have in the yard had been moved into the middle of the yard (by the ghosts apparently). They have a retro 1950s concrete statue of a deer, and somehow the ghost had removed its antlers and all its facial features so it was just a smooth, creepy, torpedo-shaped face. All the other statues looked like they'd been sandblasted or something. Also, the ghost had dug up pets that my parents had buried, and laid them out neatly on the lawn, but they were in sleeping bags. My parents (in real life, like 15 years ago) once buried a dog, a poodle named "Lucy" in a Care Bear's sleeping bag under a pine tree, and that was laid out on the lawn in the dream. And apparently my dog -- who is actually alive in real life -- had been dug up and was in a sleeping bag on the lawn too, but since she had been buried only "45 days" prior, her corpse was very decomposed and was soaking through the sleeping bag. I was screaming and screaming and screaming and then I woke up. I think I was screaming in real life, or at least yelping or something.

The blue girl says 'don't smoke, wait, smoke'

This dream was very nonsensey and visual.

I worked in the theater industry as an event planner or a creative director or something and the Guthrie put on a play that involved crazy shenanigans outside on the street before the play. I think I coordinated the outdoor show that including glittering, Vegas-style lights going up the building in long stripes and swing dancers that I think were either floating or on stilts, but they were dressed kind of Victorian in lots of light colored lacey, puffy dresses.


The scene changed to me in a gas station because I needed to buy a box of tea bags. There was a box of "Constant Comment" and a variety pack and I had a hard time figuring out what to get and I think I started yelling at the clerk about the crappy selection. I also contemplated buying a pack of cigarettes while I was there even though I was trying to quit. I was reassured that I should buy them by a strange looking girl that was encased in a clear acrylic box packed in with a number of non-descript torsos. The box was filled with blue liquid and the people in it looked like their skin was flaking because they'd been in for so long. The girl was talking to me in my head, not out loud. She told me that if I bought the cigs, she would help me wean myself off them and it would be much easier than just going cold turkey. So I told the clerk I wanted Marlboro Ultra Lights and he pulled down four weird packs instead, one of them was a perfectly square, flat pack that was pearl-colored and had no writing.


The next part involved me in a mall walking around in a black turtleneck and no pants and trying to play it off like it was perfectly normal. I eventually felt really weird about it so I found a pair of black tights to put on but I still felt weird. I sat down at a food court table with someone I know (though I can't remember who it was) and started apologizing for being gone so long but they didn't understand and I didn't know where I had even been. I told them I was living at my friend David's house and that we had both been accidentally gone for two months on job interviews and that we were going to have a bbq to make it up to everyone. I randomly had a picture of of a chandelier that I wanted to get for the party that was made out of amethyst and was really long and skinny and taller than the room I wanted to put it in. Some other crap happened by I can't remember.

Attempted Rape & Cannibalism a la Michael Jackson

I had a terrible dream! Just disturbing...

I had a new routine of driving a neon green 10-speed through Downtown Minneapolis each day. I would bike specifically to a medical building that had some connection to my Dad, and go in it to get to the skyway. The building had a weird medical museum that just looked like a super messy office or gift shop. My Dad was there pointing out models of molecules and such. He bought me a plastic cooling pack thing and the lady at the museum custom decorated it with stickers that said her name "Laura" and a leather patch with goodwill logos on it. I bitched that it was terrible and made no sense, then some other guy made me a new one out of one of those metallic balloons that had shooting stars and the word "congratulations" on it. I tried to wear it as a headband but it was too thick.


The steps outside of the museum were really weird and arty. some of them only had one thin bar going across and if you weren't careful you would fall through the hole. I kept getting lost in the skyway and having to go through cluttered gift shops where it became increasingly harder to find the door to the next one. I finally found a bar and sat down and ordered a drink. There was a guy in a suit there that introduced himself and said he worked for The Onion newspaper as a sales rep. I was like "cool" but then I left.


The scene changed to me being alone at my apartment. I was calling completely random phone numbers and saying weird things to people. I called one and somehow started actually talking to the guy and he invited me to come to a party at his place. I agreed and went over to his condo, which was one of those hip loft-type joints. There was a party going on with a strange assortment of people whooping it up. I felt really creeped out some reason. The guy who I'd talked to on the phone introduced himself and said "have we met?" and then he said he was a rep for the Onion but I couldn't remember if it was the same guy I met at the bar and neither could he. I then fed him a bite of a Hershey's kiss that was apparently drugged and we both started acting really weird and freaking out and having seizures.


The next part featured me, naked, wrapped in a big gold blanket on the floor of his condo. A guy I know (and am creeped out by in real life) was standing over me and said he was going to come under the blankets with me and have sex with me. I was like "NO!!!" and he was "it's happening" and tried to rip the blanket off me but I had it tangled around me really tightly. He started dragging me around the condo and I was screaming as hard as I could but it was super faint no matter how hard I screamed. The police were somehow outside and I was screaming and screaming but they couldn't hear me. Finally a girl who was in the condo opened the door and the cops burst in, but the guy had disappeared.


The last scene was the aftermath of the cops raiding the condo. They brought us all out on the roof and showed us what the guy who owned the condo had been doing. He was apparently Michael Jackson and he had been luring peeps to the condo and drugging them and putting them in cages on the roof for months and slowly eating them. He had many different disguises and the Onion ad rep and the rapist all had been MJ in disguise; his real look was all gnarled and small and scary. There was a guy he'd been eating for 6 weeks who was still alive but a ton of his flesh had been carved off and they didn't think he would live. They said that we were the next people to go into the cages. The last thing I remember from the dream was a long black peapod-shaped centipede with a radio antenna on its head scurring past, and it was supposed to be part of one of the people he ate.

The best of Saint Paul...in a boot.

Last night's dream sort of revolved around Saint Paul. I was compiling a "Best of St. Paul" list and going around to a number of places getting something, or trying something at each of them. I would then put whatever it was (a candle, a gift card, coffee, etc) into a big black boot. I had two boots filled up for Minneapolis, but I figured St. Paul only needed one. The boots were these really stupid black leather boots I actually have in real life, that I hate.



I was running around with a rotating cast of friends, and strangers that were apparently my friends. At one point I was in Mickey's Diner with 2 people. One of this was this sloppy, unshaven guy and we were giving him presents. I gave him a big purple bag of dog food and he started to cry, saying that he never had such good friends before. I was like "Get used to it, we are nice!"

There was also a part where Kris from Secrets of the City and I were running all these ad deals in exchange for free stuff in Saint Paul, and one of them involved us trading ads in exchange for owning a weird office building. The building was cool though because it had a huge movie theater aspect and I immediately decided we were going to make it into and art gallery/art film house, even though it was decked out in Bill Cosby sweater-style carpeting and looked all officey. I decided we would name it "Popcorn."


The scene changed to me with one of my writers, Rob Callahan. We were using tickets that we had traded for advertising to go to a show at the Ordway. I think the show was, randomly, Mary Poppins. There was a show before, sort of like a movie theater, so we had to wait around. We decided to go in anyway and scope out where we wanted to sit once we got in there. The chairs were all big, velvety wing-back chairs and it was really pretty. Suddenly a voice came over the loud speaker (during the play, mind you) that said "Kate Iverson and Emmanual Lewis please report to the lobby."


So, Rob and I (not Emmanual Lewis!) went out and there was a big burly security guard waiting for us with a few pieces of paper. He said "I will need the banner ad before you see the show." and I was like "well, I can't really do that now because I'm here, plus you guys have to give US the banner ad!" and he kept going on and on how he thought I was scamming the Ordway and I flew into a livid rage and was like "I will NEVER EVER write about the Ordway again!!!!" and "I'm going to get you fired!" and the last thing I said before I walked out the door was "Fuck you!" super loud so everyone in the play could hear me. And soon after that I woke up because I was so enraged.

Metallic Angel Crashing

Last night's dream was kind of scary, but also kind of exciting. I'm surprised I remember my dream at all, considering I drank a bottle of wine plus like three vodka drinks last night.

The dream started out with me walking around in what I think was a lobby of a place I lived or worked. The walls were covered in art that was angel-themed. Everyone I knew had made something and the art was hung salon-style, floor to ceiling. The art ranged from small to large, from interactive art to sculpture. The one that stuck out to me was about 8.5x11" and was sort of a three-dimensional window that you could look into. It was filled with metallic shrubs of different colors that would sort of vibrate and shimmer when you looked into it to try to find the hidden angel. There were other pieces that involved silver mannequin legs and wings that stuck out of big plaque.


The scene changed to me standing on a big open dirt plain that dropped off into the Grand Canyon. I had been in a flying bus that had crash landed on the plain and I was milling around outside of it. I saw another airplane headed towards the ground and suddenly a bunch of planes and flying contraptions were crashing everywhere around me. One plane was able to land instead of crash into a million pieces and it skidded right up to the edge of the canyon but turned at the last second and came back around to stop right in front of me. There was a Somalian woman pilot that was smiling really big and chattering at me but I couldn't understand her.


There was another brief part that involved me putting makeup on a pretty black girl and and she was wearing a slinky dress that was the exact same color as her skin so she kind of looked naked. I made her eyes super colorful with orange, magenta and teal eye shadow. She was getting all bent out of shape because she thought the makeup was too weird, but I insisted she needed to have colorful makeup to make her outfit not be boring.