FBI Hamburgers & Unitards

I had this dream two nights ago and I wrote it in a notebook all scribbly and I couldn't really decode it completely. Long story short, some of the details are missing.

Anyway, the dream started out in an elevator lobby that had all sorts of yellow colors, like warning signs, caution tape and the like. You needed a special badge to get through the glass doors into the offices and eventually I realized that it was an FBI office. Somehow, I knew someone who worked there and he got me in and signed me up for a job interview. The interview consisted of me having to select raw hamburger from a refrigerator case and make the most efficient and delicious burger. Everyone else was making paper thin patties but I made a small, thick mini-burger type patty. Dwight from the show "The Office" was there and he decided he wanted one of mine, so I had to go back to the case and get more meat to make him one.


The scene changed to a huge atrium in the FBI building, not unlike the government center in Downtown Minneapolis. My sister was there sitting on a marble ledge with about 15 African kids surrounding her. They were all ages and most of them looked really sick; they were super skinny with distended stomachs, they had flies buzzing around them and some of the younger ones had huge, hollowed out eye sockets with what looked like vaseline filling them with a black marble in each. My sister said someone had "fished the babies out of the river" and that she was nursing them back to health. I offered to walk with them to their next stop (they were on a walking tour of the FBI building) but the kids couldn't follow instruction, they starting running like maniacs everywhere and FBI workers started screaming "TERRORISTS!!!"


The scene changed to a photo shoot that I came late to apparently, and the photos had been shot without me. I was a little bit pissed off but kind of relieved because I didn't really want to do the shoot anyway. I started looking through the images that they shot and they were of four girls in pearl white unitard type things that each had one letter on the chest. It was supposed to spell something important (like a brand name or something) but whoever took the pics never got them all showing their letters at the same time. There were pictures of them wearing jackets over their outfits and all kissing at the same time; there were pictures of them tangled amongst multiple dirty white horses. One girl was giving the devil horns hand symbol by a horse's tail. I remember being livid about the whole thing and I think that's when I woke up.

Pop stars, mustaches and mullets

There's a lot I'm forgetting from this dream...

The first part involved me managing a new female pop star that looked like Taylor Swift. She was going to her first awards show and I was getting the finishing touches put on her gown, which was a sculptural emerald green silk dress made by local designer Emma Berg. For some reason, I brought the dress to my mom's house, and she started adding all sorts of terrible elements to it, like a green velvet cape with white crocheted ruffle around the edges and huge white cotton lapels with eyelets and cut out shapes.


I was in an uproar because there were only hours until the awards show and my mom was ruining the dress, and not listening to anything I was saying (true to real life form). But the pop star seemed to like everything she did to it and I was like "it's your funeral. The red carpet critics will not be kind." I continued to be in a panic and all I could think was "Emma's going to have my head on a stick for this!"

I tried to super-fast photoshop something similar.
You get the jist even though it looks like shit.

The dream then switched over to me riding in a crappy car with three dudes. I was in the backseat with a guy with a zany mustache and the two guys in the front had extreme beards. We were all piled really heavily with strange items like backpacks, pots and pans and animal pelts. Mustache guy and I were under the same layer of junk and smashed really close together. I had my hand on his chest but he said it wasn't his chest and there was someone else under the junk with us. I got really scared but kept my hand on the random chest anyway.


The last part involved me in some sort of small town dive bar. I was either judging some sort of hair contest or convincing people to change their style. I think it was part of a reality TV show. There was one guy with anime character-style hair that was black and stuck out in huge spikes that were sort of droopy. They felt like real plastic. Another other guy had a thick, curly red flat top with mullet that was one big dread that went down his whole back. There was another guy that just had regular long hair, Axl Rose-style. I was trying to convince them all to shave their heads and I even had a clippers but they were all reluctant. I think that's when I woke up.

Imagine this with a ginger flat top attached!

Will is an unruly drunk.

So this dream was kind of scary for some reason, even though only the end was technically scary. It was a very stressful dream and seemed to go on forever.

The dream kicked off with me sitting at the bar at Clubhouse Jager, but it looked a little different, with elements of the Loring Pasta Bar and an unidentified sports bar and cafeteria. I was there alone but I realized the guy sitting next to me was the actor Eric McCormick (Will of Will & Grace), but he looked really inbred and weird, and a bit like William DeFoe. He was raging drunk and I started talking to him and flirting with him. We were getting all cuddly and I realized it was insane that I wasn't getting his picture for LOL/OMG (our real-life gossip blog).


I bust out my phone and for some reason I couldn't get the photo app up. I'm smashing buttons like I didn't know how to use my it, and it was paging through stock images of things like grain, houses, plants, clouds, etc. Eric McCormick wouldn't shut up because he was so drunk and he was sort of flailing around yelling and grabbing me and kissing my neck, but I was very annoyed about the phone and kept pushing him off.


Finally I realize that I was trying to use someone else's phone, and that mine was missing. I went around the bar (which now was really big with all sorts of weird nooks and crannies) looking for it in a panic. I kept mistaking dumb things for my phone from across the room; phones that looked nothing like mine, a small bag of clementine oranges, a weird little shrine with candles, etc.


Finally I found the phone in a back room at the bar that looked like a sports bar and had green carpeting. There were three really girly blonde chicks there that were really bubbly and like "Oh. My. God." about everything. They had hooked up my phone to a projector and were watching a movie on it. I had no idea my phone was that high tech and was very impressed. The were projecting it in a weird corner that had a jutting out piece of wall and some pipes and they were projecting over that and partially on the ceiling because they said the 3-d option worked best in that spot, and it totally did. They gave me the phone back and somehow along the way I aquired a Pizza Luce pizza and was excited to bring it back to the peeps at the bar to share.


When I returned to Eric McCormick in the front of the bar there was already pizza there and he was having a face-down pizza eating contest with one of the bartenders from the 501 Club. They had their hands tied behind their backs and everyone was cheering them on. They were making a terrible mess and sauce was all over them, their faces and the bar. Pieces of my pizza slid out of the box and onto the floor and they were all different kinds of slices.


Paul (a real bartender at Jager) was pissed off about the whole thing and started yelling at Eric McCormick about having not paying his tab, which was only $2. But Eric was too drunk to acknowledge him. Paul went into an awkward secret passage way adjacent to the bar and refused to come out. I kept trying to take a picture of Eric McCormick with my phone but he kept moving around and all the pictures were stupid looking blurs.


I sort of woke up at that point, but then fell back asleep for a bit longer and had a small snippet of a new dream which basically consisted of a bloody, dirty girl escaping from a closet. She came running out and screamed "Mommy, it HURTS!!" and she had a bunch of skin carved off her because a cannibal had been keeping her locked up so he could eat strips of her skin. I think there was something else to it, but that's all I can remember.

Shapeshifters, Wormholes, and Michael Jackson

So, a lot of last night's dream was actually sort of terrifying...but other parts were just plain weird, as usual.

The first portion of the dream involved me at home, which was sort of a combination of my ex-boyfriend from a long time ago's house and my parents house. There was some sort of infestation of rats and other animals that was getting out of control. I had a guy that I knew come over to fix the problem because he had the ability to shapeshift into a really crazy flesh-eating monster that would flush out every animal and eat or kill them. The problem was, that when he shifted he went totally berserk so I had to lock myself and my cat in the bathroom while it was happening so he didn't eat us.


While we were locked in I heard all sorts of screeching and commotion then something started forcing its way in the bathroom and I couldn't hold the door shut. It turned out to be a big black panther and I ended up letting it come in to hide from the shapeshifter. When he forced himself in, I could see all sorts of dead rats all over the floor outside. Eventually, the shape shifter returned to human format and called to us that it was okay to come out. He had eaten all the animals but said "sorry, I left you a surprise in your office, I couldn't help it." and the "surprise" was a huge pile of shape shifter shit.


The next part morphed to a sidewalk adjacent to a park that I grew up by. I was hanging out with some unidentified people and a van pulled up. A famous band (I don't remember who it was, but I think it was a heavy metal band) got out and started talking to us. I told them it was a huge coincidence because when I was a little kid they had parked in the same spot and got out and randomly played a show on a hill near the playground. They said they'd do it again and started unloading their gear.


One of the guys in the band handed me a plastic lavender DVD case that was sort of see through and explained that it was a recording device. I don't know how this happened, but as soon as I took it I was flying through a wormhole/tube or something, and it was just big enough for a human to fit in width-wise, so I was flying headfirst. There was all sorts of static noise and the walls of the tube looked like gray, electric, churning water. I dragged my hand through one of the walls and it just made more noise and felt strange. I took the DVD case and held it straight out in front of me; this was supposed to record my experiences in the wormhole as long as I kept rotating it clockwise. The wormhole morphed into different scary scenes, one was pitch black with just screaming noises and another was pitch black with hundreds of pairs of glowing yellow eyes blinking.

The dream switched to me owning a house/compound that was connected by underground tunnel. One part was a workshop that looked kind of like the Soap Factory, there was heavy industrial equipment and wood slabs in it. The next segment of the house was a lecture room/class room where we went to "college" and also had a flea market in every week. And the last segment of the house was a loft space with oriental carpets, couches and a stage. The loft part was apparently located in the Northern Warehouse in Lowertown but you could only access it by underground tunnel.


We would regularly have big parties and bands play in the loft but the cops could never shut it down because there was no way to enter the space from the actual building so they could never figure out how to get in. On a particular night, Mark Mallman was playing and afterward we were sitting on a couch talking about his music. My phone buzzed with a text message and it was from Michael Jackson and it just said "What's up?" I wrote him back with a link to a Mark Mallman song and soon after he called me. I put him on speaker phone and was all "How's it goin'? Long time no see" like we were old friends and he started telling me he hated Mallman's music because he didn't go in for "spiritual crap" even though the tune I sent had nothing to do with spiritual crap. I told MJ that Prince loved Mallman but MJ said he hated Prince too and that Prince was a religious nut. There was an awkward silence and then I just said something like "Well, okay...but really, how are you doing, Michael?" and I actually woke up saying those words; I was propped up on my elbows in my bed.

Trixi and Jon and the Steam Engine Pool

As usual, I forgot a lot of components to this dream...

A bunch of random people were in town for someone's wedding, and everyone was doing social things, like hosting dinners at their homes and letting people stay with them. My real-life friends, Trixi and Jon, invited me over to socialize before the wedding. They owned a little restaurant/deli called "Cookie's" but they had been ousted from their space so a video game store could move in. They were in the process of moving Cookie's to a really fancy downtown location even though it just served sandwiches and soups. Jon was wearing an expensive suit and talking on his cell phone about it a lot.


Their house was kind of like a compound, lots of gray concrete, but it was attached to the former Cookie's location which was in turn attached to some sort of strip mall type of thing. The inside of their house was really big and they were most excited to show me their indoor pool, which Jon had built himself and designed to be heated by a steam engine. You had to be careful to make sure it wasn't too hot before you got in, because sometimes the water boiled.


I got in the pool in my full clothes and boots and waded in all the way up to my waist before I realized how stupid that was. I got out and laid on the concrete in a sun patch to dry my clothes, which somehow were not really that wet. When I got up, Trixi and Jon were gone and I couldn't find them.


The dream changed to my apartment. I was letting my ex-boyfriend from like 12 years ago stay with me because he was apparently going to the wedding too. I woke up in the middle of the night and he had ordered a pizza and had let the delivery guy into my apartment, invited him into my bedroom and they sat down on a bunch of my clothes that were (and are in real life) strewn all over the floor and started eating the pizza. I was livid because I didn't want the delivery guy judging me for having a messy room so I was yelling and trying to kick them both out but they wouldn't respond to me. I don't really remember much else after that...

Severed puppy heads...not cool.

This dream had a lot to it, and I thought I had it solidified in my mind, but by the time I got my laptop on and pulled a document up to jot down the specifics, the majority of it had fled my mind. The most disturbing part remained intact though...

I was on a road trip with my dog searching for my real dad. I had adoptive parents who lived in a house that wasn't any house I've ever been in, but it had the same kitchen as my real-life parent's kitchen. Anyhoo, there was a huge contraption on their kitchen table covered with a navy blue sheet. it was a bunch of distorted metal, kind of like a bird cage but pieces were missing...like a giant had ripped it open.

big like this, but with more of a twisted, warped wrought iron element

In the dream, my dog had one puppy, and my adoptive parents had been looking after it while we were on the road trip. I knew if I lifted up the sheet, I would see the severed head of the puppy, but I didn't want to, so I looked halfway in and said it was empty. My "mom" got really mad at me and said my dog had chewed off the puppy's head and killed it but I knew it wasn't true. I insisted that since my dog didn't have blood around her mouth and that we were on the road trip that she was innocent. My mom forced me to look under the sheet and the puppy's head was hanging by a wire from the top of the cage-thing. The neck was cleanly severed as if from a knife, further proof that my dog didn't kill the puppy, but no one believed me and they wanted to kill my dog. Somehow I knew my fake dad had done it and that he was a total psycho. I woke up screaming, and I remember clearly flailing my arms around my head and screeching.

I can't bring myself to post a pic of a severed puppy
head, so here's a cute LIVE puppy.

I fell back asleep pretty quickly and the dream changed to me being in college and living in a dorm with one of my old friends that I haven't seen for years. At one point, I was climbing stairs holding onto the banister like I was climbing something really steep. It was hard to pull myself up but no one else was having the same problem.


There was another strange part about our dorm room doubling as a boutique that sold random fashion stuff and my other roommate, who happened to be real-life l'etoile project manager, Natalie Gallagher, had designed a line of accessories that was made up of big fake diamond brooches that were really sparkly and had pieces in them that projected light. They were in an acrylic display cabinet that you could rotate. She was also the manager of the store but only tried to sell people the brooches. I can't remember any more of the dream after that.

The snake and the rockstar

My apartment wasn't my apartment but it was. It was some sort of a cabin or summer home and I was reconfiguring and cleaning the whole place. I was polishing the floors by standing barefoot on an extra strength paper towel and buffing the marks on the linoleum out. It was working really well and I couldn't stop doing it. I remember being very stunned that it was working as well as it did.


There was an unidentified older rockstar that was temporarily living upstairs and he created an art installation that you had to climb through to get to him. It was Nic Harper from the Rogue Buddha's job to bring girls up to him and he brought me and Jahna up. He had made the top level of my house into a sort of horror maze. There were lots of dirty chicken feathers all over the floor and mangy plastic sheets you had to crawl through. There was a room where there was a big plastic sheet with a bunch of dried leaves and you were supposed to kick them onto the sheet. I remember thinking that the rockstar was just being lazy and trying to get people to clean up the leaves for him. Through the maze, you'd crawl around in tiny rooms and there would be a gritty, black and white image of something random on a light box, kind of flickering. (Maybe this part of the dream was inspired by the Soap Factory's Haunted Basement? Which btw is totally awesome.)

It wasn't Alice Cooper but it was along those lines.

When we finally got into the rockstar's living space it included a long, skinny rectangular sandbox and a TV set playing a show in the corner, but it was really bad reception. There was a big stuffed snake in the sandbox and it had some ratty looking animal fur attached to its head in a long strip. I picked up the snake and started petting it's fur/hair and the rockstar came in and was really impressed with me for doing that for some reason.


There was a lot of remodeling going on in my house too. I was getting a bunch of stairwells and landings redone with wooden walls that had different colored wood pieces jutting out from it in geometric shapes. It looked really cool but the rest of my house was really crappy, like a long-neglected cabin. I don't remember anything after that even though I know there was a lot. Something to do with delivering juice boxes to people I think...

I made this in photoshop, but it was much cooler in the dream.
The shapes acted sort of like a railing to other floors.

Red domes and yellow cement machines

So last night I know I had an epic dream, but I can only remember little snippets of it, but they are pretty weird.

The first one involved myself and two other people designing dome-shaped structures that we planned to film a choreographed dance with. We would stand inside our domes and push them in a pattern around a huge concrete floor and the video was going to be done all in one shot, so it had to be perfect. I made mine out of red tubing with little bouquets of cheap red plastic flowers at each joint.


The next part was me on a huge plaza in a foreign country. It was foggy and misty out and people were rushing around and I was completely lost and confused and wanted to go home. Then I saw a bright yellow 1950s looking contraption that seemed like a tractor, but was supposedly a machine that you'd drive around and it would shoot wet concrete out in front of it then roll over it to make it smooth. In the dream I wanted (more than anything) to get a job driving that machine. I tried in vain to find the person who owned it but people told me to come back in two years to talk to him so I gave up.

Kind of like this, but smaller, cleaner, shinier and way more retro looking

The last part involved me standing above a big, foggy chasm and ocean with my back to a wet metal railing. I was with a bunch of people who were just kind of standing around. For some reason I climbed over the railing onto the chasm side and my hands slipped off and I fell, and on the way down I yelled "Prince Caspian." For some weird reason by me yelling that, it made everyone know that I owned the rights to a movie that was being made. I must have woken up then because I remember waking up all violently.

Apparently, I'm a dimension jumping two-timer

This was a pretty zany dream, and I woke up with a crush on Slug from Atmosphere.

So, in the dream I was in love with two men who I couldn't choose between. One was a vampire named "David" and the other was Slug from the hip hop group Atmosphere. We all could hop dimensions using a small white remote control type of thing and there were two worlds we spent the most time in. One was regular earth and the other was a sort of mystical place that was just a lot of ocean and rock walls and caves.


In the ocean world there were huge rock formations that reached out into the ocean. They were made of rough black stone and and had naturally formed arches and caves. Strange creatures lived in some of the caves so we were very careful where we went. David and I were scaling a wall against the shore and a huge panther the size of a building came out from one of the caves. I threw my cat, Meatball, into the ocean to distract the panther from us and it worked. In real life my cat was actually being really annoying and kept waking me up wanting to cuddle and I kept throwing him off the bed - which I assume played into the dream.


Back in the earth world David and I would stay in a really nice, modern house with a bunch of other people, including one older, rich-looking woman vampire who insisted on cooking us "Emu Burgers" which she said needed to be cooked for 30 minutes, flipping them every 5 minutes.


The scene changed to me with Slug at my parents house. I was laying on a couch and he was sitting in a chair. There was a big ottoman in between us. He rolled out of the chair, over the ottoman and onto the couch and we laid there together really uncomfortably.


Somehow David, Slug and I all jumped to the cave/ocean dimension and were in sort of a stand off on a cliff with some other people that dispersed quickly. I kept touching Slug's hand when David wasn't looking. Then suddenly we were all sitting cross-legged on a dock and Slug was wearing plaid shorts. I put my hand on his knee and he pushed it off because David was there.


The scene morphed to myself and Slug up on a cliff with a metal railing and a huge oceanliner pulled up. Slug handed me his remote control and said the only way for him to save the world was for him to suicide bomb the oceanliner. He said to keep his remote and he would meet me in another dimension later. He lit a cigarette and told me to run, and I did, and as I was jumping dimensions I felt the oceanliner explode behind me and push me into the next world.


Back on Earth, I transported into a department store, where my friend Jahna and the vampire David were shopping for old timey war helmets with spikes on top for a photo shoot. I told them Slug was dead but they didn't acknowledge it. Then my friend Emma appeared and she had a box of half used perfume bottles and gave them to me. I put them all on a shelf at my parents house.


At some point I tried to use Slug's remote control to jump to another dimension to find him, but when I did it just brought me to the cave/ocean world where a few people were just milling around in a cave but Slug wasn't there. I think that's when I woke up.

Cupcakes & Married guys

This dream was very Matthew Barney and symbolic. I'm pretty sure there was more but I can't remember.

In my dream I went to Cake Eater Bakery and it was kind of empty and weird looking, except for a case of cupcakes. The walls were all painted pretty colors, but really messy. There was an ipod dock painted into the wall on a shelf and there was paint all over the speakers. The building the bakery was in had multiple levels. The main level was the bakery, one level was where someone's parents slept on mattresses all day long, and the top level had more mattresses where the girls who owned the bakery slept.


It was someone's birthday and everyone met at the bakery. There was a hot older married guy there who was an artist and drove a yellow and white muscle car. We were all going to the b-day party for someone, whose identity never becomes apparent. The bakery is on the state fair grounds and there are a million classic cars everywhere and the party just consists of us wandering around and drinking. Pretty soon it gets late and we go into an underground part of the Fair Grounds where every room looked like car sale showrooms with dance club lights, and they were filled with people dancing in crazy outfits.


Other rooms looked like fancy banks from the 1950s but more lounge-y, but still with the marble floors, bank teller windows, etc. One room in particular was all pink and gold and kind of ornate, but it still had that "bank" feel. There was a guy sitting on a chaise lounge in a pretty suit, talking important business with another guy in a suit. They were drinking out of gilded tea cups. We kept walking and I was drunk and holding the married guy's hand, just roaming around to the parties -- which all seemed to have different themes -- like '70s rock n' roll, dance club, rollerskating, etc. The people in the doorways of the parties would try to lure you in a sleazy manner as you walked by. One girl outside a party gave me a business card that just said "MEG" on it and told me to call her.


At some point I realized I was wearing a party outfit made of newspaper and magazine article clippings. The skirt was kind of a short bell shape and layered with articles, even my legs were covered in magazine clippings, but only to the knees and I was self conscious that there was skin showing because I thought the outfit looked incomplete.


Myself, the married guy and a hybrid of the two girls who own Cake Eater Bakery (they would keep morphing into each other) were really drunk and we finally found our way back to the bakery and snuck up the stairs past where the sleeping parents and fell asleep on the mattresses on the top level. I cuddled with the married guy, and when we all woke up in the morning, his wife was there standing with her hands on her hips. She wanted him to come home and I played it off like everything was normal and I told her that we just had to find his car and then he'd come right home.


We went walking through the fair grounds looking for his car and we had a map that was really convoluted. He insisted his car was down by the Snelling avenue entrance but I knew that we had never been down in that area and took him down to the basement level where there were still parties going on. Somehow we set off the fire alarm and a bunch of water sprinklers came on and starting dousing everyone at the parties and in the bank rooms. We finally found married guy's car parked in front of a showroom and he drove us up to where the bakery was and dropped me off. The bakery girls were randomly upset because they didn't know what to put on their business cards, one had "waitress" written on hers and the other had "dishwasher." I was like "you should put co-owner on your cards!" and they thought that was genius, because they hadn't thought of that for some reason. And then I woke up.