I should never have a baby!

This dream was kind of bland, but it was very nerve wracking and uncomfortable. I had a newborn baby that I kept leaving random places. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl, so let's just call it "it." The baby would kind of crawl and roll off stuff so I was trying really hard to pay attention to where I put it, but I'd suddenly be like "shit! where is the baby?" and it would be under a pile of papers, or in a different room. It would always fall off things and had all these bruises and scratches and weird indentations and imprints on its head. I was real irritated that I had the baby...like it wasn't mine and somehow I got stuck with it, but I loved it too, though no one would help me take care of it or tell me what to do. I was really scared and stressed out.



There was something about me going through a divorce too. I was on a strange internet site that looked all 1994 with big bubbly design. It was either a message board or a chat line or a dating site and all the text was too big. I was posting messages on it trying to get a new husband but everyone was being perverted and saying messed up things to me. My mom and my ex-husband somehow saw I was on there and everyone was yelling at me about being a whore.


There was another aspect about me going out to dinner with someone for my birthday then stopping at a stand that sold candy-coated popcorn in weird flavors like "coconut," "spicy," and "red." The stand was really decrepit and there were all sorts of papers and random crap on the shelves with the bags of popcorn. I wanted to bring one home for my Dad but I couldn't figure out which one to get. I think I got red. Then whoever I was with was like "Let's stop at Pinkberry." I tried to argue that I had to go home because I wasn't sure where I put the baby, but they said "trust me, you'll love it." When we got there all the bowls of ice cream were $30-$50 and I didn't want to buy any, but people kept insisting, so I pulled a bunch of stuff out of my pocket and there was a string, a superball, a bunch of pennies, a few wadded up bills, and a little bag a weed. They said I could trade all that for ice cream, then I woke up!

Evil Ghosts & Sleeping Bags

Let's just say I hated this dream. It was scary. And weirdly, I took a "nap" at 6pm, only to wake up at 2am in a cold, fully-alert terror. I think I was screaming in my sleep.

It started out at my parent's house. I was either living there, or staying there for a few days and so was my sister. We were sleeping on the living room floor in sleeping bags (this dream has lots of sleeping bags in it FYI. Weird) and there were multiple cat's litter boxes on the hearth of the fireplace that I had the duty of cleaning out for some reason. There were huge, human-sized pieces of crap in them, and I would pour out the litter onto the hearth and sift through it. This had nothing to do with the ghost element of the dream, but it was pretty weird/gross none the less.


The dream morphed into my sister and myself sleeping on my parent's bed. Their room was apparently haunted but we were sleeping in it anyway. There was an evil entity, but it would start out slow, projecting itself as innocent, Victorian-style ghosts that would try to be your friend but would eventually turn into scary skeletons in long robes that would fly around on the ceiling and scream. In the dream I kept falling in and out of sleep on the bed and I think in real life I was falling in and out of sleep too. I kept feeling things brush up against me lightly, and in real life I am pretty sure it was my cat, but in the dream it was ghosts.


The next scene involved my mom getting ready to go somewhere and there was another lady wearing fancy clothes with red hair that would mimic her movements and follow close behind her. It was supposed to be her mom, but it was really an evil ghost. My mom knew it was there but didn't care because she liked the ghost even though it was a bad ghost. She said "We're going shopping." There was another element to that part where my mom hired me to take pictures of something for $150 and I demanded payment up front because I thought she wouldn't pay me, and she cut me a check that was printed off a printer. I was irritated because she was friends with the ghost.


There was also a random part about me being wrapped tightly in a sleeping bag on the floor of the basement and there were a bunch of bad ghosts that just looked like black shadows milling around on the staircase, blocking it. I was going through a stack of papers that were apparently job reviews from my old work that I was supposed to input into a computer so people's raises would be reflected on their next paychecks. I was offended because the corporate office was giving all the Somali peeps like $5 an hour and all the other people were getting paid normal amounts and were getting raises. The writing on the papers was in pencil and looked like a little kid had wrote them.


The scene changed to me, my sister, and some other people standing in my parent's neighbor's driveway talking, and I looked in my parent's backyard and all the statues they have in the yard had been moved into the middle of the yard (by the ghosts apparently). They have a retro 1950s concrete statue of a deer, and somehow the ghost had removed its antlers and all its facial features so it was just a smooth, creepy, torpedo-shaped face. All the other statues looked like they'd been sandblasted or something. Also, the ghost had dug up pets that my parents had buried, and laid them out neatly on the lawn, but they were in sleeping bags. My parents (in real life, like 15 years ago) once buried a dog, a poodle named "Lucy" in a Care Bear's sleeping bag under a pine tree, and that was laid out on the lawn in the dream. And apparently my dog -- who is actually alive in real life -- had been dug up and was in a sleeping bag on the lawn too, but since she had been buried only "45 days" prior, her corpse was very decomposed and was soaking through the sleeping bag. I was screaming and screaming and screaming and then I woke up. I think I was screaming in real life, or at least yelping or something.

The blue girl says 'don't smoke, wait, smoke'

This dream was very nonsensey and visual.

I worked in the theater industry as an event planner or a creative director or something and the Guthrie put on a play that involved crazy shenanigans outside on the street before the play. I think I coordinated the outdoor show that including glittering, Vegas-style lights going up the building in long stripes and swing dancers that I think were either floating or on stilts, but they were dressed kind of Victorian in lots of light colored lacey, puffy dresses.


The scene changed to me in a gas station because I needed to buy a box of tea bags. There was a box of "Constant Comment" and a variety pack and I had a hard time figuring out what to get and I think I started yelling at the clerk about the crappy selection. I also contemplated buying a pack of cigarettes while I was there even though I was trying to quit. I was reassured that I should buy them by a strange looking girl that was encased in a clear acrylic box packed in with a number of non-descript torsos. The box was filled with blue liquid and the people in it looked like their skin was flaking because they'd been in for so long. The girl was talking to me in my head, not out loud. She told me that if I bought the cigs, she would help me wean myself off them and it would be much easier than just going cold turkey. So I told the clerk I wanted Marlboro Ultra Lights and he pulled down four weird packs instead, one of them was a perfectly square, flat pack that was pearl-colored and had no writing.


The next part involved me in a mall walking around in a black turtleneck and no pants and trying to play it off like it was perfectly normal. I eventually felt really weird about it so I found a pair of black tights to put on but I still felt weird. I sat down at a food court table with someone I know (though I can't remember who it was) and started apologizing for being gone so long but they didn't understand and I didn't know where I had even been. I told them I was living at my friend David's house and that we had both been accidentally gone for two months on job interviews and that we were going to have a bbq to make it up to everyone. I randomly had a picture of of a chandelier that I wanted to get for the party that was made out of amethyst and was really long and skinny and taller than the room I wanted to put it in. Some other crap happened by I can't remember.

Attempted Rape & Cannibalism a la Michael Jackson

I had a terrible dream! Just disturbing...

I had a new routine of driving a neon green 10-speed through Downtown Minneapolis each day. I would bike specifically to a medical building that had some connection to my Dad, and go in it to get to the skyway. The building had a weird medical museum that just looked like a super messy office or gift shop. My Dad was there pointing out models of molecules and such. He bought me a plastic cooling pack thing and the lady at the museum custom decorated it with stickers that said her name "Laura" and a leather patch with goodwill logos on it. I bitched that it was terrible and made no sense, then some other guy made me a new one out of one of those metallic balloons that had shooting stars and the word "congratulations" on it. I tried to wear it as a headband but it was too thick.


The steps outside of the museum were really weird and arty. some of them only had one thin bar going across and if you weren't careful you would fall through the hole. I kept getting lost in the skyway and having to go through cluttered gift shops where it became increasingly harder to find the door to the next one. I finally found a bar and sat down and ordered a drink. There was a guy in a suit there that introduced himself and said he worked for The Onion newspaper as a sales rep. I was like "cool" but then I left.


The scene changed to me being alone at my apartment. I was calling completely random phone numbers and saying weird things to people. I called one and somehow started actually talking to the guy and he invited me to come to a party at his place. I agreed and went over to his condo, which was one of those hip loft-type joints. There was a party going on with a strange assortment of people whooping it up. I felt really creeped out some reason. The guy who I'd talked to on the phone introduced himself and said "have we met?" and then he said he was a rep for the Onion but I couldn't remember if it was the same guy I met at the bar and neither could he. I then fed him a bite of a Hershey's kiss that was apparently drugged and we both started acting really weird and freaking out and having seizures.


The next part featured me, naked, wrapped in a big gold blanket on the floor of his condo. A guy I know (and am creeped out by in real life) was standing over me and said he was going to come under the blankets with me and have sex with me. I was like "NO!!!" and he was "it's happening" and tried to rip the blanket off me but I had it tangled around me really tightly. He started dragging me around the condo and I was screaming as hard as I could but it was super faint no matter how hard I screamed. The police were somehow outside and I was screaming and screaming but they couldn't hear me. Finally a girl who was in the condo opened the door and the cops burst in, but the guy had disappeared.


The last scene was the aftermath of the cops raiding the condo. They brought us all out on the roof and showed us what the guy who owned the condo had been doing. He was apparently Michael Jackson and he had been luring peeps to the condo and drugging them and putting them in cages on the roof for months and slowly eating them. He had many different disguises and the Onion ad rep and the rapist all had been MJ in disguise; his real look was all gnarled and small and scary. There was a guy he'd been eating for 6 weeks who was still alive but a ton of his flesh had been carved off and they didn't think he would live. They said that we were the next people to go into the cages. The last thing I remember from the dream was a long black peapod-shaped centipede with a radio antenna on its head scurring past, and it was supposed to be part of one of the people he ate.

The best of Saint Paul...in a boot.

Last night's dream sort of revolved around Saint Paul. I was compiling a "Best of St. Paul" list and going around to a number of places getting something, or trying something at each of them. I would then put whatever it was (a candle, a gift card, coffee, etc) into a big black boot. I had two boots filled up for Minneapolis, but I figured St. Paul only needed one. The boots were these really stupid black leather boots I actually have in real life, that I hate.



I was running around with a rotating cast of friends, and strangers that were apparently my friends. At one point I was in Mickey's Diner with 2 people. One of this was this sloppy, unshaven guy and we were giving him presents. I gave him a big purple bag of dog food and he started to cry, saying that he never had such good friends before. I was like "Get used to it, we are nice!"

There was also a part where Kris from Secrets of the City and I were running all these ad deals in exchange for free stuff in Saint Paul, and one of them involved us trading ads in exchange for owning a weird office building. The building was cool though because it had a huge movie theater aspect and I immediately decided we were going to make it into and art gallery/art film house, even though it was decked out in Bill Cosby sweater-style carpeting and looked all officey. I decided we would name it "Popcorn."


The scene changed to me with one of my writers, Rob Callahan. We were using tickets that we had traded for advertising to go to a show at the Ordway. I think the show was, randomly, Mary Poppins. There was a show before, sort of like a movie theater, so we had to wait around. We decided to go in anyway and scope out where we wanted to sit once we got in there. The chairs were all big, velvety wing-back chairs and it was really pretty. Suddenly a voice came over the loud speaker (during the play, mind you) that said "Kate Iverson and Emmanual Lewis please report to the lobby."


So, Rob and I (not Emmanual Lewis!) went out and there was a big burly security guard waiting for us with a few pieces of paper. He said "I will need the banner ad before you see the show." and I was like "well, I can't really do that now because I'm here, plus you guys have to give US the banner ad!" and he kept going on and on how he thought I was scamming the Ordway and I flew into a livid rage and was like "I will NEVER EVER write about the Ordway again!!!!" and "I'm going to get you fired!" and the last thing I said before I walked out the door was "Fuck you!" super loud so everyone in the play could hear me. And soon after that I woke up because I was so enraged.

Metallic Angel Crashing

Last night's dream was kind of scary, but also kind of exciting. I'm surprised I remember my dream at all, considering I drank a bottle of wine plus like three vodka drinks last night.

The dream started out with me walking around in what I think was a lobby of a place I lived or worked. The walls were covered in art that was angel-themed. Everyone I knew had made something and the art was hung salon-style, floor to ceiling. The art ranged from small to large, from interactive art to sculpture. The one that stuck out to me was about 8.5x11" and was sort of a three-dimensional window that you could look into. It was filled with metallic shrubs of different colors that would sort of vibrate and shimmer when you looked into it to try to find the hidden angel. There were other pieces that involved silver mannequin legs and wings that stuck out of big plaque.


The scene changed to me standing on a big open dirt plain that dropped off into the Grand Canyon. I had been in a flying bus that had crash landed on the plain and I was milling around outside of it. I saw another airplane headed towards the ground and suddenly a bunch of planes and flying contraptions were crashing everywhere around me. One plane was able to land instead of crash into a million pieces and it skidded right up to the edge of the canyon but turned at the last second and came back around to stop right in front of me. There was a Somalian woman pilot that was smiling really big and chattering at me but I couldn't understand her.


There was another brief part that involved me putting makeup on a pretty black girl and and she was wearing a slinky dress that was the exact same color as her skin so she kind of looked naked. I made her eyes super colorful with orange, magenta and teal eye shadow. She was getting all bent out of shape because she thought the makeup was too weird, but I insisted she needed to have colorful makeup to make her outfit not be boring.

The Psychic Statue

Last night's dream was really choppy but I do remember some choice weird parts of it.

I was at my mother's house, but it was part greenhouse and looked really different. I was going around the house picking up boxes and bags of random candy and putting them in my purse. My mom was yelling at me about it, saying that candy was banned from her house and how dare I bring it in. I tried to explain that it was already there but I just got yelled at more. I poured onto a counter a bag of Swedish Fish, a box of Jolly Joes, and a box of Nerds and started color coding them and obsessively making kaleidoscopic patterns while my mom yelled at me in the background.


The next scene changed to a garage type scenerio, but I think it was part of the greenhouse. My Dad was there polishing something small and metal and there was a wooden huge crate off to the side with a big carved stone sphinx/gargoyle hybrid statue packed in straw. The top half of the crate was removed so I could see it. I asked my Dad what it was and where it came from and he said my Mom had had it shipped from China so she could use it as a garden decoration, and that it cost $150,000 so he was very annoyed about it. I went over to it, and started petting its face and it started projecting its thoughts silently into my head. It was just saying that it was on my side and that I never had to worry about anything again, because it loved me now because I was nice to it. I could see it moving but it was more like shimmering and projecting itself in translucent layers. I felt very excited, like it was going to change my life.

It was a little bit more Sphinxy than this, and less ornate, but you get the jist.

There was another vague part of the dream where I was discussing with someone about how well the l'etoile holiday party went and was analyzing things that went wrong. I looked at the invite and I had written "enjoy sushi, holiday cookies and more" on it. I was very concerned that I had included sushi in the copy because we definitely did not have sushi at the party.

Skeletons & Pitbulls

Last night's dream was super long and involved, I know it was! But I can't remember very much at all. Reason? I woke up around 8 and tried to remember it really hard, then accidentally fell back asleep and woke up at 10. I concentrated on remembering one snippet and in the process forgot the main part. Oh well.

The part I remember the best involved me living in a lodge with a bunch of skeletons that changed into human format when other people were around. My ex-boyfriend from high school was one of them and I was so completely happy to see him that I was willing to move into the skeleton lodge. There was something about a bloody female skeleton that looked like she'd been skinned, and the meat and organs carved off her but the bones still had bloody scraps on them. She was in a tattered gown that was mostly ripped off and was rushing up a staircase at super human speed. She turned around and screamed/screeched at me and her jaw opened super wide, then she kept running.


There was another segment about me walking my dog through the skyway system and not having a leash, so I had to hold her collar the whole time and she was pulling me really hard. I was scared if she jumped on someone they would take it the wrong way because she's a pitbull, so I was super worried about keeping her safe from people. I was crying and crying because I was afraid she'd get put to sleep if I let go of her collar, and it was so hard to hold on because we had to walk miles to get where we were going.

My real actual dog that is the most sweet, adorable thing on this earth
This is her posing for the l'etoile Valentine's Day Guide in 2007. Presh!

I'm getting married at Neil Gaiman's house!

I know haven't done a post for awhile, I've been super busy with work stuff the past week, it's been never ending. I've been in a sheer panic from the moment I wake up in the morning to when I go to sleep. I didn't even try to remember my dreams. Today, however, I have a whopping 3 hours before I have to be at a meeting, AND I had an awesomely weird dream last night.


I can't remember how this dream started out exactly but I think I was on a dirt road by a bunch of industrial buildings and there was a war going on between an Indian tribe, one lone super-Indian, and white people. Well, the white peeps weren't really in the war, they would just get killed whenever the Indians saw them I think. The lone super-Indian was hiding out in this big metal barn with big rusty tools and the tribe was mobilizing to look for him. I was in the barn...I think I might have even been the super-Indian because I was not afraid of getting killed and I felt super awesome and tough. The tribe came down the road and got distracted by a white guy wandering around, who they promptly scalped and slit the throat of. Another white guy came along and managed to talk them out of scalping him somehow.


The scene changed to a big lodge-type building (I think it was on the same road as the Indian tribe) but the entrance looked like Har Mar Mall. I think the lodge belonged to real-life fantasy writer Neil Gaiman. I was getting married (I have no idea who to) but I was planning my own wedding and was being really demanding and mean. My sister came to set up the silent auction (yes, for some weird reason there was a silent auction at my wedding) but all the stuff in it was really strange. There were lots of pairs of socks, some of them looked dirty, and a sock monkey and a bunch of calendars plus other crap I can't remember. My sister put flowers and little beaded lamps all over the auction table to make it more wedding-y.


I had to put on the wedding dress Neil Gaiman gave me and I was very irritated to discover it was pretty much see through, fine netting (kind of like a wedding veil) and was sewn together in panels. There was a belt that was white tulle bunched up with red ribbon to tie it. I wanted to wear it really badly but was concerned because I was wearing black underwear and bra. I was trying to come up with something to wear underneath it when I looked through the window and there were two black ladies in an SUV yelling at me to put my clothes on because everyone was looking through the window (which was the parking lot of a mall). I was shocked and laid down on the floor and tried to get dressed while laying down so no one would see me.

The dress was kind like this slip but it was shorter and cooler looking. The belt was awesome.

I can't remember if I got the dress on, or what I was wearing, but it was time for the wedding to start so I went out with my bridesmaids (who were just random people wearing street clothes) and we started doing a sort of routine as people walked in. We did a synchronized hitch-hiking dance sort of thing and people would go in the direction our thumbs were pointing. We realized that if we did it towards the silent auction table, everyone would go over there and start bidding in a frenzy. People went crazy for the auction and when they mob walked away it was somehow over and all the stuff was gone. My sister said that we made $27, which I thought was a load of crap.


The last thing I remember was trying to make a little bit more money and I started yelling to everyone about the last silent auction item, which was my marriage certificate signed by Neil Gaiman. No one was paying attention to me even though I was yelling at the top of my lungs and I was in a rage about it. I woke up around that time/can't remember what happened.

I heart Neil Gaiman.

I think this dream is telling me to hire a cleaning lady.

I can only remember a couple snippets from my dreams last night. My cat kept waking me up over and over so they kept getting interrupted and not sticking.

Perez Hilton and someone else were living in my apartment with me. We all were extremely messy and as soon as the apartment was clean, we would mess it up again by throwing stuff all over the place and never putting anything back where it was supposed to go. I was really fed up with it and tried to demand that we "throw all garbage in the garbage can from now on" but it was just met by blank stares. Perez Hilton went to bed in a huff, but not before putting a lamp with a blue light bulb onto the porch for no reason. I thought it would attract burglars for some reason and unplugged it.


There was another part about me meeting a guy who had a fetish of "cleaning up after people." I was torn about getting involved with him because I really wanted someone to clean up my apartment all the time, but was creeped out because he always carried around a weirdly shaped white ceramic bowl that he insisted I puke in once in awhile to make him happy.


I know there were a bunch of other zany elements to my dreams last night but I can't remember. Maybe I'll remember more later.